That sun over those mountains

The train keeps calling my name

But I dont want to go - no, I won't go because I love that sound.

That sound of the rain.

Now is one of those times where life is a book you can read, skimming over the dull parts and rereading the best parts over and over and over again until you don't think you'll ever forget them.

I keep telling myself I'll go outside and lie on my back and tell the stars about everything, because people don't understand and those shards of light just might give it a chance.

Things I despise:

-how I overuse the word 'hate'

-Believing people have an ulterior motive

-Being lonely but not alone

-Not caring about someone as much as they deserve

-insomnia

-Time

-Substituting things

-my last words

-the fact that my lists are far too long

-how my writing isn't simple enough

Sometimes I want to turn to those people that I love most and say "I'm okay now. I think I'm okay. Can I talk to you?"

But we all have this flaw where listening is hard

And understanding is even harder

And it's not their fault but it's also not my fault

It's a problem with being human.

I don't like how some people believe that a short phrase or a couple words solve every problem I could ever have.

...but then and again, maybe they're right. 

I wish I was allowed to be important but I guess I didn't dream big enough. 

Sometimes the real reason we keep quiet isn't because we don't have something to say, but because we don't think it's something other people care about.

I hope you know that the whole thing with "Don't forget to forgive the bacon" was kind of a joke but kind of not.

No, this isn't your forty-five minute reminder although it probably could be.

I wish you saw me.

I wish I could see the future so I could know if it's worth it.

Sorry I lied yesterday. Just wanted to know how much things bled through the pages.

There wasn't much of a mess, and I suppose that's good. You won't have a lot to clean up.

It's all a matter of perspective.

No, I'm not going to tell you what I'm bleeding over because you'll think it's stupid and you won't get it. It's not worth breaking my bones over and I want to keep something intact.

And yes.

On that car ride I did see us as a movie. I saw the soundtrack, I saw montages, I saw laughing and honesty and loneliness and that time we all ate ice cream without actually watching a movie like you promised we would. (Don't worry, I'm glad we didn't watch one)

But there was a lot more I saw too and it was supposed to be a symbol of getting where I want to be.

It was about us but then you and you and I and then us again... But by the end, it was about you and you... And then I.

So I guess I'll be telling the stars my story tonight.