I Hope You Find This

Frail leaves crackle underfoot

Hands buried in my sleeves

Eyes dull

Skin cracked

Invisible storms rage

Frostbite starting from the inside out

Red ribbon around the neck

Pulled a little tighter

Not brave enough... Not brave enough

The one time it's not a flaw is now

Pull it a little tighter

No seatbelt

86 down the long stretch of road

Shaking because it's the end

Or not

Sharp braking

She can't know

She's got her own demons

Demons with her own face

Don't they all

Keeping it quiet

She can't know either

Pineapple is the problem

But it's not on her side

It's on mine

Jealousy is a cruel thing

Maybe it was never real

A bedtime story I told myself

Hellfire is finally real again

Glass embedded in skin

You don't understand

You don't understand

His is worse than mine

And now I'm the one dying

Life is a misunderstanding

When what's real is fake

When bedtime stories are what you cling to

That was supposed to be my last real mistake

But here we go again

My windshield is covered in misunderstanding

In fog and smoke and charcoal

Home is no longer home

Nothing is set in stone

Especially when life is only a fairy tale

Bullet holes in my chest

You look disappointed when I don't bleed

I've already tried

Grey smiles

Outstretched arms

Deep breath

The end

I'm a domino

Too much responsibility

Because when I fall you fall too

And I'm falling

But you need to stay upwards

You need to stay awake

You need to stay alive

It was all a dream it was an illusion

It was the beginning and the end

And maybe I'm not seeing straight

But sleeping is resetting all over again

And I'd give you the world

I'd give you all of Europe

I'd give you my memory

All in exchange for an organ

That beats slowly sometimes

That means more than what it is

But things don't work that way

No, no

Strung up girls don't get their rope cut

By heroes in capes

Because those heroes have always been paper people

I don't want you to be made of paper

Drown victims don't breathe again because of The Little Rascals

Because that's only a story and stories are what keep us breathing

Bottles of pills are what we take

Just so we keep smiling

Because it's too hard for anything to be all-natural anymore

I don't want to be anyone but myself

But who am I anymore?

A girl who wants to stargaze ?

Someone who's hopeless ?

Someone who can't sing worth five cents?

My numbers and standards are dropping

Tell me to keep you close

To change my future and I will

Because I'm nothing but an alcoholic addicted to the idea of fulfilled dreams and smiling

I'm addicted to a substance that's killing me because I've fallen in love with it but it's only there to keep me around a little longer

The woman is a hard worker

The man is a wannabe father

They're surrounded by things

But their oldest one isn't whole anymore

Time is the cement I'm using

Because I'm too scared to use the phone

I'm too afraid to text or call

Or to use my mouth to say what you

Told me to

I'm not strong enough

I'm not fierce enough

I'm not good enough

(No, I don't deserve it like you told me)

I told you

I'm addicted

I'm addicted to storm clouds and rain and broken tear ducts and the ice inside me

List Your Strengths:

-Good Listener

-Understanding

-Not judgmental

List Your Weaknesses:

-Emotional Mess

-Broken

-Stubborn

-Angry

-Broken

-Sassy

-Broken

-Broken

-Broken

-Too many to list 

The sun is still warm

And you still sound like the sunset

And either you're alcohol or medication, I can't decide which

But I'm scared you're alcohol

Because that would mean that what I believe is merely a fairy tale

I'd appreciate it

If you held me close again

For maybe an hour

And told me I wasn't alone

Because that's what I need

That's what I need right now

Because 

I'm

So

Empty

And

Alone

And I need you to tell me I'm not

I need help

But I can't pick up the phone

Because I'm still not brave

I'm still not strong

I'm still not good enough

I'm scared because she deserves someone like you and you are always first place.

Either you're a fairy tale or you're time

You're busy and I'm left waiting

But I want you to know

My numbers and standards are dropping

And it'll happen soon

Because I can't take the pressure

And that's the medication I haven't tried yet

If you're not ready

I'm sorry

I know I'm not

But I know it's time to find something

It's time to be an organ donor

Or a zombie that doesn't eat brains (one that eats McDonald's fries)

Or possibly a slut

Maybe money is the only way to get anything anymore

But you can't bribe your organs

You can't trade hearts

(I can't do it anymore)

You can't give your heart your spare change

I'm finding comfort in the sound of the faucet leaking

And that was a song reference

If you haven't listened, you should try

•Marching Bands of Manhattan

•Tiny Vessels

(Death Cab)

•when you break

(Bear's den)

•without these chains

(early winters)

The artist painted the world in color

But some of us are colorblind

I'm colorblind

I've got a red noose around my neck

And Link is green and

Raspberries look like my blood

But it's all grey 

Grey

Grey

Frail leaves stopped crackling

Arms extended

Empty eyes

Antarctic skin

Shivering and shuttering

A breathing corpse

Only a breathing corpse