The message to ***** failed to send.

Today, it was too dark outside but it was also a little too bright.

Today, I woke up.

I went to church.

I dipped my toes into water so hot I felt like it would burn away my skin.

I leaned up against a bathtub, my head in my hands.

I stared into space. (More than once)

I smiled. (Probably twice)

I wrapped myself up in a blanket and refused to leave it.

I ate. (Junk Food: 6 Healthy Food: 0)

I decided it was okay to binge-watch New Girl

I got bored of watching Netflix

I found out the song that describes how I die is 'Friend, Please' by Twenty One Pilots and 'What If' by Coldplay fits my love life

Today, I decided I had to stop thinking about you.


I'm going to be honest and tell you that I hope this is beautiful but it probably won't be
I guess that's okay.


A list of things I might / probably forget that i don't usually talk about:
-your supras -being shorter than you even in heels -how young you look when you don't wear glasses -how I got mean when I didn't know what to say to you -your chill attitude about everything -how you wouldn't let go of the backpack incident -calvin k -taking apart the fence last school year -your hug with her during south pacific -blue blue blue eyes -pentakill -yelling in the car -spring in the face -people thinking lost my virginity -how fast you move -'the talk' outside of my house -what 'the talk' really was to me -link&zelda -"Okay. You're awesome. Remember that."..."It's the truth." -that grey shirt -fedora -fighting for your hat on the bus -what happened on the bus? -how i felt when i said it

-swearing ?

things that kill me:
-lying in the auditorium -the future -sixth grade -useless efforts -secrets -overanalyzing -how you think -not so special after all -that yearbook signature -yesterday -tomorrow -my feelings -you -mixed signals -you -you -what the word pineapple means -you -fielding and ct and even joseph h -you -you -you -'sweet' sixteen -you -inability to read sarcasm -lack of wit -you -doubt -you -you -you -more you

i'm scared of you
and i don't know why

Tomorrow he's going to officially make it official
Tomorrow I might tell him he put me through hell.
Tomorrow I could tell the truth
Tomorrow
ANXIETY

I know why you didn't ask me questions

unrequited unrequited unrequited unrequited unrequited again unrequited unrequited unrequited unrequited

The papers are turned in and so is my future.

don't pretend like you care (?)

PINEAPPLE PINEAPPLE PINEAPPLE that one day
could I have stopped the future with that word?
should've said it sooner but didn't

This is like copy and paste chaos

please know one thing
no matter what happens tomorrow
or what happens in the days after

I love(d)(/d) you.