Goodbye

There's too much left to say because there is so much that we did.

There's something beautiful in a goodbye.

There's something beautiful in the final words that someone chooses to say to you before they leave.

It's sad when you can't remember those words, only that moment when the other person left.

There's something so bitter about it too.
I want to say, "Thanks for the short visit, it was nice knowing you. Why don't you steal my waffles on the way out?"
But instead of being bitter about it, I say what they want to hear.

"Goodbye. I'll miss you."

But with one look, I try and tell them everything I possibly can. I try to express everything

The memories.
The words.
The feelings.
The changes I wish I could make so we wouldn't have to say goodbye.

But it's too late.
All they can do is blink
and smile
and turn around
and leave.


You can love someone so much but you can never love people as much as you miss them. (-John Green)

There's always a large part of me that wants to run to the other person and wrap my arms around them so tightly that they won't be able to leave or even try to struggle free. I want to keep them with me as they are, to talk to them and to never let them walk away.

But that's what makes goodbyes so hard.

Knowing how much you love someone and knowing that they'll walk away and they'll change without you.
They'll meet new people and start new lives and fall down and get back up again, all without you by their side.

But that's what's most important.
Because if people never left, they'd never be able to come back to us.

and now we reach the purpose of this post.

Goodbye, reader. I'll miss you.

But before I make my grand exit, I'm going to be incredibly honest with you.
I'm going to say exactly what I've been trying to say all along.

(No, contrary to what you might believe this is not, in fact, a lovely romantic letter.)

I've fallen in love with you.
With your words and your actions and the way you see your world.
I have grown to love your scars and your stories, the way you hold yourself and the way you express your emotions.
I have empathized with you and dreamed of a greater world for you to live in.

You are not alone.

Although I may reside in this dark Abyss, I will be here to listen to your stories and to feel your emotions and to dream your dreams.
I want you to know that I have loved you.

You are beautiful.



and now for some personalized notes.

To the boy with the beanie -
I'd like to thank you

Thank you for the opportunity
Hopefully our future is better than our past has ever been.
After all,
we said goodbye
and you came back to me.

To the girl with the cancer -
We've said goodbye more times than we can count
I'm happy you're happy
After all, you are who you are meant to be.
Don't worry about the past, you've set a path to a good future
and that kid who reads Justin Bieber songs like poetry will keep you on it
You have a bright future ahead of you.

To the girl that can't help but lie -
I'm sorry about your situation
But this really is goodbye.
I've given you countless chances
and all you could offer me was distrust
I'm really sorry
but I can't take your destructiveness anymore

To the boy who once suffered from a Skyrim and Psych addiction -
It's a shame we didn't get close
We'd probably be best friends about now,
it's unfortunate you moved on my birthday a couple years ago.
Regardless of what I've ever said, you're a great person and it's a shame we never really got to know each other.
We should talk sometime.
It would be nice to start over from the beginning.

To the boy who's more awkward than myself -
Like I've told you before, if you're not happy, you're not at the end yet.
Someday, you'll find a girl who'll be the perfect fit for you.
I'm sorry you had to suffer and learn what heartbreak feels like.
But at the same time, I'm glad you've grown.

To the girl who can't decide who she is -
You are more than what you feel you are.
You have light inside you and that light won't ever die.

One day, you'll find your happy ending, I promise.
Sometimes you just have to be a little patient first.

To the friend with the converse shoes -
Thank you for being a friend to me.
It's because of you that I discovered that feeling and being alone are different from being on your own.
I'm sorry for the mistakes that I've made and the emotions I've put into people that might not deserve it.
I want you to know that you mean a lot to me.
You are more than noteworthy
You are unforgettable.